Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
