he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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