i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
