Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I touched a dick in church today
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
