I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
