Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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