We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
