Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
