YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
