does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
