my sisters under your porch take her home
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
