Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
