morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
