I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
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Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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