My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
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