I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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