I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Slut skills are useful in every country.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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