I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
