I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
