Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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