I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
