i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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