if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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