What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
