So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
