the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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