I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
