omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
FUCK WHALES
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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