My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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