Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
