It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
