goodnight i made you a song goodbye
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he shaved USA in his pubs
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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