I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
it's like iHOP with fire
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
