you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
