i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
