my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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