he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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