So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
