NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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