Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
