Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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