I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
