If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
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i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.