someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.