I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize
