I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
