There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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