Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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