Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
