He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This is my gift to your gina
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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