i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
