yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
