I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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