He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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