I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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