Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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