i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
