FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
