Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize