Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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