i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I am full of burrito and curiosity
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
