Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
