Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just want nice things and good sex
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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