So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
