You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
