I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My penis needs a shock collar
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
