She said her name was "party"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
